THE POWER OF WORDS: How Descriptive Praise Can Promote Understanding and Willingness In Young Minds

At a recent All School Meeting, an insightful question was raised: How can we build a child’s self-esteem and self-confidence? One powerful way to achieve this is through a small but significant change—rethinking how we offer praise. Words have immense power, and the kind of praise we use can shape how children perceive themselves and their abilities. By shifting from evaluative praise to descriptive or appreciative praise, we can foster intrinsic motivation and a stronger sense of self-worth in young minds.

Understanding the Types of Praise

There are three primary types of praise: evaluative, descriptive, and appreciative. Evaluative praise is the most common and what many of us grew up hearing and instinctively use with children. Phrases like “Good job!” or “That’s beautiful!” fall into this category. While well-intentioned, evaluative praise makes a judgment about what has been done and leaves the child reliant on external validation.

Descriptive praise, on the other hand, focuses on observing and describing the child’s effort or outcome without making a judgment. For example, instead of saying, “That’s beautiful,” you might say, “You used five different colors in your drawing.” This approach empowers children to assess their own efforts and accomplishments. Similarly, appreciative praise acknowledges a specific contribution or behavior: “Thank you for putting away the toys” or “I appreciate how you worked together as a team.” These types of praise encourage children to internalize positive self-talk and build their own sense of capability.

The Drawbacks of Evaluative Praise

While evaluative praise provides a quick boost of happiness, it often creates a dependency on external validation. Children who frequently hear evaluative praise may become “praise junkies,” constantly seeking approval with questions like, “Do you like my picture?” or “Was that good?” This reliance on others to measure their success can hinder their ability to develop intrinsic motivation and self-worth.

Moreover, when our praise doesn’t align with a child’s own internal evaluation, it can lead to confusion or mistrust. For instance, if a child feels their drawing could have been better but hears “That’s beautiful!” from a parent or teacher, they may question whether the feedback is genuine. This disconnect can weaken the credibility of the adult’s praise and, in turn, their influence as a trusted motivator.

The Benefits of Descriptive Praise

Descriptive praise, by contrast, strengthens a child’s self-confidence and internal motivation. By focusing on actions and effort, it shifts the emphasis from external judgment to the child’s own achievements. This type of praise involves two key components: the words spoken by the adult and the internal response they inspire in the child.

For example, when a parent says, “All of the toys are put away, and the floor is clear,” the child might think, “I’m capable of cleaning up by myself. I’m a good helper.” Similarly, if a teacher remarks, “You worked the whole time on that writing and finished before snack,” the child can recognize their perseverance and ability to complete a task. Over time, these positive internal responses build a strong foundation of self-esteem and a belief in their own capabilities.

Simple Swaps: From Evaluative to Descriptive

To help incorporate descriptive praise into your daily interactions, here are some common examples:

Evaluative Praise	Descriptive Praise
“Very good!”	“You did it!”
“Good job!”	“You worked hard on that!”
“Excellent!”	“You kept trying and didn’t give up.”
“That’s beautiful.”	“You used so many colors in your drawing.”
“Great job.”	“The toys are all put away.”
“You completed that trick.”	“You finished it!”

By making these small shifts in language, you allow children to develop their own positive self-talk and see themselves as capable individuals. This simple yet powerful change motivates them from within and reduces their reliance on external validation.

Building a Lifetime of Confidence

Descriptive praise doesn’t just enhance self-esteem—it creates a ripple effect across all aspects of a child’s growth. Children who feel confident in their abilities are likelier to take risks, persist through challenges, and develop resilience. They learn to trust their own instincts and judgments, which are crucial skills for navigating life’s complexities.

Incorporating descriptive praise into daily interactions is not just a parenting or teaching strategy—it’s a mindset shift. By focusing on effort, observation, and appreciation, we empower children to recognize their value and accomplishments. This approach helps build the foundation for a lifetime of self-confidence and intrinsic motivation, ensuring that young minds are equipped to thrive in any endeavor.

While the research supporting this approach has been consistent over the years, its application is timeless. Words matter, and by choosing them thoughtfully, we can help young minds flourish—not just for today, but for the future.

Julianne Tullis-Thompson

Head of School

Santa Ynez Valley Family School

www.syvfamilyschool.org

juliannett@syvfamilyschool.org

805-688-5440 office